The power of being you! - Part I

At the risk of sounding like a self help guru, or a "paid to talk for an hour"counsellor or a crappy over- bearing self proclaimed guardian, I am going to write a few posts on being "you". I doing this, because, the blog is about my take on life and as life as gone on, I have realised a few things about being me, that seem worth sharing...

In the late 1980's, I started watching tennis for a girl, few years older than me, in pink flowery tennis dresses, giggling at her own mistakes and clapping when the opponent returned a brilliant shot she could'nt attempt, taking losses very sportively, her aggression coming through only in her game - At that age, I identified with her, I dont know why....I loved tennis for her - Monica Seles. When she was attacked in 1993 and stopped playing, my interest for tennis died there...I still watch it once in a while, but very dispassionately.

She has remained an inspiration of sorts for me... the earliest and most entrenched...recently, D gifted me, Monica's autobiography and as I read it...I can understand, why I identified with her..All this intro for an excerpt from the book that I am going to put here as a prelude the posts that will follow,

" I have come up with a three point plan for surviving the tempests in life:

1. Clean house: This means getting rid of everything that is'nt essential in your life at that moment

2. Dont be afraid to say the magic word: It is'nt please. It's "no". People wont be as upset as you think they will be.

3.Embrace the power of being you, without apology: It's a power that is too often overlooked and squashed by others and by you."

The reason, why I am quoting this is because, I want to talk more elaborately on point 2 and 3 in the following posts. Collectivist societies in the East, ingrain in us the opposite of these rules and I personally have had enough in my life, trying to live up to others' expectations, saying yes when I want to say no and being guilty for being "me".

Soon...

Confessions of an ardent Calvinist

A long time desire...

Always felt guilty about actually doing it..

- Owning the entire collection of Calvin and Hobbes...

Extremely expensive stuff..

Is'nt it ridiculous to spend so much on books?!!!

Finally, the devil won...

Temptation succeeded, especially since there was a discount

Yes.. I gifted myself the C&H collector's edition

An indulgence, that was much needed..

Feeling a wee bit guilty, balanced by immense excitement and happiness..

So its OK i guess...

"Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions."

To blog or not to blog...

I wonder sometimes, if my rantings are good enough to maintain what can be classified an interesting yet informative blog...

Issues like this -

A Turkish teenage girl found dead in a hole next to her house was probably buried alive, a post-mortem examination has revealed. For what: talking to boys Her age : 16 Full link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8501181.stm How unnatural can we get? An adolescent girl talks to boys and you just bury her alive... in the name of honor killing!! Wow! What a world we live in... This is an issue I want to blog about - because, honor killing is the limit of all the small atrocities that women are put through in many societies across the world. It would be good, if there is person in the crowd of a bus, or on the road, or in the family who will stand up for a harassed girl...It can make a difference. Issues like this: Save the tiger campaign that's currently being popularised in India by Aircel communications..Only 1411 tigers are left in the world Will someone please tell me..how blogging about an extincting species will help save them? Even if thousands are aware of it, can anyone who is educated enough to read blogs really go save a tiger in the forest? And for such an educated person, who is already in a field related to saving tigers, is it my blog thats going to make him aware??. I dont think so.. Aircel has decided to "use" tigers to prove its social responsibility - very bad idea. very opportunistic. Though inadvertently, I have blogged about it....its an issue thats useless to blog about - I dont want to be used a Aircel's brand ambassador, unbeknownst to myself.. O Well.. thats the eccentric me, showing up :)

Moments of truth

"He was forced to confront the fact that he had tolerated certain artificial constructs to uphold his existence. When you build on lies, you build strong and solid. It is truth that undoes you. He could'nt knock down the lies or else the past would crumble and therefore the present!" - Kiran Desai in Inheritance of Loss

Sometimes when things that dont usually make sense, start making sense - then you realise that you're not walking on solid ground, but precariously betting your life on a fault line that would give away any moment now. Interesting life, I should say!

Human Nature!

"Hobbes, do you think human nature is good or evil? I mean, do you think people are basically good, with a few bad tendencies, or basically bad, with a few good tendencies? Or, as a third possibility, do you think people are just crazy and who knows why they do anything?"

- Calvin

I salute thee. Calvin and Hobbes, shall be my religion, if I had to choose...Hey, I am in pursuit of understanding the Gita and Mahabharatha and even it poses the same question in more complex terms - when C&H is funnier and more colorful and more rebellious, why not?

But the underlying fact is that, In 5000 years, human beings still remain un-understood - The species has evolved, but the collective complexity of the kind evolved quicker and we never caught up :(. Questions are good though!

Antarnaad!

I am having trouble embedding the you tube video of this event that happened in Pune last week..

here is the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FX9i_tUCv4E&feature=fvsr

If you have the time, definitely watch this or rather just close your eyes and listen to it on headphones -its awesome...

As I have mentioned several times before, I am not religious person, neither do i subscribe to any modern day gurus.. but I believe in spirituality. This event in which 2500 odd classical vocalist chant Om Namshivaya with Shankar Mahadevan leading the choir(?) is an intensely spiritual experience even when I listen to it on You Tube - I cant imagine, what it would have been for those present live and the singers, all of them creating a positive energy, thinking the same thought of God would have electrified the atmosphere, much like a rock concert - except that the energies would have been more channelised - I guess it would be the equivalent of a spiritual orgasm (apologies for the blasphemy, but once you experience God in the mind - thats what it is) - its awesome...

Really, do take the time and listen to it...

Outrage!

Two Ministers watch as cop bleeds to death
Video link: http://www.ndtv.com/news/videos/video_player.php?id=1191324

After a long time, I am terribly outraged...Even as we digest every unjust thing that happens around us, somethings are plain revolting that you cant help but let the blood boil over...

Indian politicians, once again establish themselves as inhuman bastards, who must have been born out of a combination of monstrous beasts - FUCKING ASSHOLES! I know a lot of us do this everyday - see an accident and walk by.. but 2 fucking ministers and a collector and whole bloody convoy...with all their power, dint have the guts.. of 60 odd people, not a single person had a conscience...one of those extremely rare occasions when I am NOT proud to be an Indian.

And the guy who was shooting this video, from his car - last in the convoy he claims - a coward who had a conscience and killed it...I am so appalled that words fail me!

Dharma prevails over Adharma? where and when? Its all bullshit....

May the cop who died not rest in peace and haunt every single asshole who could have, but dint save him! I am not sure what a corrupt cop you were - but you dint deserve death like this.

Thoughts...

A million of them fly by me everyday..Want to document them..Wanted to revamp this blog, wanted to get a fresh perspective to life, wanted to revitalise and renew everything around me...But only the intent remains, until it eventually devolves and becomes a bitter realisation of times gone by, without having "lived", without having done what could be done only in the past....Sigh!

Calvin comes to rescue to explain this state of mind:

"I'm not going to do my maths homework. Look at these unsolved problems. Here's a number in mortal combat with another. One of them is going to get subtracted. But why? What will be left of him? If I answered these, it would kill the suspense. It would resolve the conflict and turn intriguing possibilities into boring old facts."
"I never really thought about the literary possibilities of maths."
"I prefer to savour the mystery."

What he did with Maths I am doing with life and the thoughts that swamp me!

The centurieth post!

O well...about 3.5 years of this insane writing spree, and a one year sabattical in between - and its time for the century - the 100 th post..I wanted to write something meaningful for this one (Yeah people I do realise, that I write useless $%%@ otherwise...) I was wondering what to write about and something happened last Friday, which made me extremely proud and made life seem profoundly meaningful in that moment..and it deserves to be here on this occasion...

I was going back from office with Shakthi and she tells me " Amma, today in school ma'm asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. X said he wants to be police, Y said doctor, someone said teacher and then they asked me and I said I want to be like my Mummy - everyone laughed at me. But when I grow up I want to be exactly like you Amma" - God! I cant tell you how emotional that made me feel...how much that one minute compensates for all the sleepless nights, for all the smelly diapers, for the painful delivery, for the transformed life, for the missed parties...for everything....

Motherhood rocks!! Its like this dark tunnel you keep manuevering thru, feeling like giving up every now and then, except for occasional moments of brilliance like these, that makes all the warm emotions of the universe just wrap you up in a neat cocoon and you want to go on, simply because there is a little finger holding your hand..and it needs you...I know ten years down the lane, as a teenager, she's gonna cringe at the sight of me and we're gonna have some crazy fights..I'm gonna hate every bit of it - just like I hated her toddler years...I'm pretty sure it'll have its own moments of brilliance..let see..you'll get to know if this blog survives :)Ok and here's the unglamorous part - the warm and fuzzy feeling lasted for about exactly 30 seconds till she threw a tantrum for a chocolate, making me wonder if she was getting manipulative and luring me with flattery..

Ok bloggie, you're now a big blog, 100 posts old and all, no more craving for attention, no more asking me to write posts often, no more wanting your sitemeter to tick faster... Act mature..But then you should also not think too much of yourself, because there are blogs out there that are so much better, so much more well written and have gone thru far more suffering. So as per my whim and fancy, I'll expect you to act grown up or like child - it all depends on the "situation"!!

Talk about mothers- they're all the bloody same...I am no different....

Conoction of Contentions!

Conducting a concert

Of complex conundrums

With contrastingly conflicting crescendos,

Concluding in cacophony

In the Conscience....

The conscience

Already countered

With countless conflicts

Of continuing this contrived concord

Is condemned to conquer

This contemporary confluence

Of commotions with candor!

Consequence -

Incongruous misconduct

Of a disconcerted non-coformist!

OK now, dont ask me why I came up with that "con"ny write up...Attempted for something landed up with this - so like life that is!